Life is About More Than Just Surviving
by K17L53
Summary: Series of clexa oneshots post-307 where Lexa survives the bullet. Each chapter is going to be a oneshot which is mostly just cute stuff I wanted to see them do on the show.
1. You're okay Lexa

You're Okay, Lexa

* * *

 _Summary:_ Lexa survives the bullet because in my world, she cannot die. And well, it's just clexa.

 _A/N:_ so...i can't deal with the fact that lexa's dead. and i've been super upset since the episode. i was writing out this post on tumblr about all the clexa things we're not going to get to see. ...which made me really upset. but then i kinda had an idea and thought i'd roll with it.

basically, its going to be a series of oneshots. and each one shot is just going to be a cute clexa piece.

everything is the same, other than the fact that lexa's alive in my fic. so this is the first one in the series and i thought the best place to start would be by waking lexa up.

* * *

Lexa woke up with a jolt, her eyes snapping open as she sat up straight and looked around. A sharp pain shot through her body, almost making her fall back on to the bed. Panic surging through her veins, Lexa's eyes darted around the room as she took a moment to place herself, realizing she was in Clarke's room. Suddenly, a hand touched her back, causing her head to snap to the side. A sudden wave of calm washed over her as her eyes met Clarke's calm blue ones and the panic began to slowly fade. But with the relief came a sense of confusion, a part of her couldn't fathom what – _who_ – was next to her. She couldn't be here, beside Clarke, no, Lexa knew she didn't make it after the bullet went through her, she could feel herself drifting away as Clarke's lips touched her's one last time.

"Lexa?" Clarke asked, the concern and worry apparent in her voice when Lexa didn't say anything. "Hey," She tried again, trying to get through to her, because if anything, it seemed like Lexa couldn't even hear her.

Her arms seemed to have a mind of its own because before Lexa knew it, she was throwing her arms around Clarke, doing her best to keep herself sitting up. Clarke's arms came up around Lexa instantly, holding her close. She could feel Lexa's breath hot on her neck as she felt tears on her skin. Clarke held on, moving her hand up and down Lexa's back, trying to comfort her. "You're okay." She said into her hair, realizing for the first time she too was crying, but Clarke couldn't make herself care about it. She had been by Lexa's side since she had been shot, which was over 12 hours ago. Clarke had managed to stop the bleeding eventually but she wouldn't have been able to save Lexa if it weren't for her healers. Titus was ready to give up but Clarke wouldn't let it go, she had rushed out of the room for a moment, ordering the guards outside the door to fetch the healers. The look she had given them left them with no choice but to march off and do as they were told. Walking back to the bed, Clarke practically shoved Titus away, not wanting him to be anywhere near Lexa.

Clarke had sat by her side throughout the entire day, refusing to leave but being forced to when one of Lexa's general's marched into the room with a few guards right behind him, asking about what had happened – Clarke doesn't even remember his name. At first he seemed to think Clarke and Murphy had something to do with the Commander being shot. But fortunately, he was willing to listen to what they had to say and it only took a couple of minutes to convince him otherwise; the fact that Titus didn't protest to anything Clarke and Murphy were saying definitely helped. It was a relief when he had finally left, taking Titus with him and leaving Clarke to be with Lexa once again.

She had held her hand, pleading for her to wake up but Lexa didn't so much as stir. Murphy had left the room some time later, not bothering to tell Clarke where he was going and she didn't bother asking, just wanting to be alone with Lexa right now. Hours passed before Clarke had realized it had gotten dark and she left her place from next to Lexa to light a few of the candles. Walking back to the bed, she crawled under the fur blankets, scooting closer to Lexa. She took Lexa's hand in her's before burying her face in the crook of her neck, wanting to be as close to her as possible. Clarke had fallen asleep after a little while, exhausted from the events of the day. But she had woken up only a couple of hours later when Lexa had jerked awake.

Now, Clarke was doing her best to keep herself from breaking down because Lexa needed her to be strong right now. "You're okay." She repeated, trying to calm her down as she felt Lexa shudder against her.

They stayed like that for a few moments, Clarke not saying anything else as the sounds of Lexa's quiet sobs filled the room. "Clarke?" She finally asked as she pulled away, looking at the blonde questioningly, her voice sounding low and tired. "I don't…I don't unders-"

"You need to lie down." Clarke told her gently as she eased Lexa back onto the bed, not answering. Lexa didn't protest, lying back down but her eyes not leaving Clarke's for even a moment. "You're okay, Lexa." She told her, noticing the questioning look.

"No, but I-"

Clarke shook her head, stopping her midsentence, knowing what Lexa was about to say. "No. No, you didn't." She told her, moving to lie down next to her and propping herself on her elbow to look at Lexa. "You're fine."

Relief washed over her and Lexa let out a sigh as she closed her eyes, her body aching with every breath. "I thought I-"

"I know." Clarke almost whispered, bringing her free hand up and running her fingers through Lexa's hair, pushing it out of her face. "How are you feeling?" She asked quietly after a moment.

"You're still here." Lexa told her instead of replying as she opened her eyes. It seemed more like a sudden observation than anything else and Clarke thought Lexa probably didn't even hear her. "I thought you'd have left by now." She turned her head, looking back at Clarke, making her withdraw her hand. Lexa knew Clarke thought staying in Polis wasn't the smartest thing to do for either of them so she had thought Clarke would've left for Arkadia with Octavia by now.

"I couldn't." Clarke replied with a small sigh as she let her head fall on the pillow. "Not without knowing you were alright."

"You can't go now." Lexa told her, sounding worried. "If you're seen outside the blockade after dawn, or outside Poli-"

"Lexa," Clarke stopped her, squeezing her arm gently. "I'm not going anywhere." She reassured her with a small smile; right now, the last thing Clarke was wanted to do was leave her here alone.

"You're not?" Lexa almost sounded surprised.

"No, Octavia must've left by now. And it's too late for me to leave." She paused. "Besides, I don't want to." Lexa didn't say anything, only moved closer to Clarke and she placed her arm around Lexa's shoulder, "I thought I lost you." Clarke finally voiced what she had been thinking all day as Lexa's head came to rest on her chest. "And I…" She trailed off, fighting back tears as her fingers made soothing patterns on Lexa's shoulder. "I can't, Lexa. I can't lose you too."

"You won't." Lexa tried, sounding tired.

"I almost did." She said in response. "And it was my fault."

At that, Lexa lifted her head, looking up at Clarke. "No, Clarke that wasn't your fault."

She remained silent for a moment before speaking, "It doesn't matter now." Clarke replied and Lexa went back to her previous position. She knew Lexa would never agree, but Clarke knew it was her fault; that bullet was meant for her, not Lexa. And Lexa wouldn't have even been there if it weren't for her. She thought she had lost her chance with Lexa; it had taken a while for her to see that the Commander was truly sorry for what happened and she was doing everything she could to make up for it. And Clarke couldn't keep her feelings pushed down any longer, especially when she knew she had to leave Polis because there was a very good chance she wouldn't be returning. But then she'd kissed Lexa and for a moment, Clarke believed that maybe there was hope for them; that despite everything, maybe, just maybe, they could be happy. But as she stood watching Lexa bleed out, telling her about how her fight was over, Clarke had started to lose hope. " _Ai hod yu in_." She had almost lost her chance to tell her and the words escaped her lips before she could stop them.

Lexa seemed to go tense for a moment, unable to believe what she had just heard; unsure whether Clarke had really said what she thought she did. Maybe it was the pain that was impairing her hearing. "I love you too." She replied almost inaudibly after a moment, relaxing again.

Neither of them said anything after that, not needing to, just being there next to each other and knowing that the other was safe and alive was enough right now. After a little while, Clarke thought Lexa had fallen asleep again, her breathing beginning to even out, when suddenly, she spoke, "What happens to us now?"

Clarke sighed, taking a moment before answering. "We'll figure it out." She pressed a kiss to the top of Lexa's head. "But for now, I'm not leaving your side."

"Good."

* * *

 _A/N:_ so yeah, that was the first one. and i literally just wrote this. considering how i'm still a wreck from the last episode, this is not my best but i really wanted to put it up. so ummm, yeah, let me know what you think, both about this oneshot and my idea of a series of oneshots where clexa is alive and happy. or maybe shoot me an ask on tumblr, which is rip-commander at the moment.

thanks for reading :)


	2. I'm sorry about all of this

_Chapter summary:_ Morning after the shooting, Arkadia dealing with the blockade, and Clexa...we have Clarke being there for Lexa, who is dealing with the shooting. And it's all really feels-y, at least i think it is

 _A/N:_ Change of plans. I know i originally said this was going to be a series of oneshots which focus on clexa and nothing else. but...i love the 100 too much and jroth is...*deep sigh* he's ruining everything. so, this is now a multichapter fix it fic which picks up from the shooting and continues with the story. It's going to have all the aspects of the show (only i probably won't disappoint you guys as much as jroth), arkadia and polis and CoL. but it will mostly focus on clexa because i am trash. and quite a bit on the grounders because i'm obsessed with them.

So yeah, that's where this is going right now. The first half is Arkadia (which wasn't the most fun thing to write but its mostly octavia so...). The second half is just clexa.

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"What the hell is this?" Bellamy asked as he stood in front of the gates of Arkadia, listening to the grounder army outside.

"A blockade." Octavia replied as she got of her horse.

"What?" He asked. "Why?"

"Are you really asking me _why_?" She asked, "It might have something to do with the fact that you're going around killing Grounders."

"Come on." Bellamy rolled his eyes at her sister as the two of them began to walk further inside. "You're the only one who know what's going on right now and Pike needs to know."

"I'm not talking to Pike." Octavia stopped walking. "I don't really want to be talking to _you_ either…" She trailed off.

"Well, we need to know what's going on." He snapped at her. "The army outside looks angry, not like the last one did."

"Yeah, because the last one was here to _protect you_ and you _fucking killed them_." She matched his tone, glaring at him. "Where is Abby and Kane?"

Bellamy clenched his jaws, trying to glare his sister down but failing. "I don't know." Octavia only rolled her eyes, beginning to walk away but he grabbed her arm to stop her. "We're going to the chancellor, no one else needs to know what's going on as much as he does."

She only groaned, having no choice but to comply with her brother and follow him inside.

The two of them walked in silence until they had reached the conference room where Pike was. There were a few other people inside, Kane and Abby not being one of them and they all looked worried…other than Pike, he just looked annoyed. Bellamy sat Octavia down on one of the chairs at the table, Pike asking her what she knows about the blockade. At first Octavia didn't want to talk, no part of her wanted to do anything to help Chancellor Pike, she tried shrugging it off with ' _I don't know, Clarke did. She's the one who talked to the Commander_.' But she couldn't for long when Pike and the rest of his council threatened to charge her with treason.

"You're fucked up, you know that right?" Octavia asked rhetorically, sitting up straight as she gave in. "Well, the Grounders aren't happy with what you're doing." Everyone nodded and she continued. "Lexa had called for peace even after you guys," She looked around the room, "killed an entire army who was here to _protect us_." Octavia glared at Pike, not for a moment being intimidated by the man who could get her killed without having anyone question it. "But then you just had to go and make things worse." She continued, leaning back in her seat once again, "You attacked a village."

"We didn't have a choice." Pike said in response. "We needed the land to plant food."

"By why the blockade?" Monty's mom asked before Octavia could say anything.

She groaned in response. "Because, you _branwadas_ _attacked. The. Village_. After killing and army that was sent to _protect. Us._ "

Pike was about to speak when Bellamy stopped him, "How does this work?" He asked Octavia but his eyes not leaving Pike. "The blockade?"

"We can't leave Arkadia." She replied. "There's a kill order on all Skaikru if we're seen outside our gates."

"Do they expect to keep us trapped in here?" Someone else asked.

"Ten of us could take out 300," Bellamy said to Pike, "I think we can handle the army." He added with a smirk.

" _ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS_?" Octavia yelled, getting up on her feet as she glared at her brother. " _This is what started this entire mess!_ " She was screaming at this point. "And this isn't just some grounder army," She turned away, looking at the rest of the people in the room, not bothering to lower her voice. "This is the army of the _twelve clans_. You can't take them all out."

"We'll see about that." Pike responded, nodding at Bellamy to show Octavia out.

They were outside only a moment later, not giving Octavia a chance to speak. Bellamy stepped outside with her, closing the door behind him. "Don't do anything stupid." He told her.

" _Jok yu_." She sneered at him before turning around and walking away.

Walking away, she realized he hadn't even so much as asked about where Clarke was. If the kill order was out on Sky People, he should've at least thought to have asked about Clarke. Right before Octavia had left, she had gotten word of what happened to Lexa, how she was shot and figured Clarke wouldn't want to leave now. She had picked up on it soon enough, there was something going on with the Commander and Clarke because there was no way Lexa wouldn't want to attack Arkadia after everything that happened. Sure, Octavia wasn't happy about the kill order but after talking to Indra and having time to think about it on their ride here, she realized that was the best Lexa could do right now. Even now, there were a lot of people (most people) who were unhappy with her decision as it was expected of her to have call upon the armies to attack, not form a blockade. But somehow, Clarke had managed to talk her out of a war.

It took her a while, hours actually to find a way to finally talk to Lincoln. She had to wait until it was Miller's shift because he's the only one who would let her anywhere near the Grounder prisoners. He didn't seem too worried about what was happening right now, Lincoln figured if they were only to be killed if seen outside the gates of Arkadia, this would probably be a good thing because Pike and his men would be the first ones out. Octavia had thrown him a disapproving glare, agreeing nonetheless but knowing that if Pike left, he would be dragging people out there with him, some of whom who didn't deserve to die.

She couldn't stay too long, needing to leave before anyone else saw her here. Octavia decided to find Abby and Kane, they were the only people who knew what they were doing at the moment. Abby needed to know about Clarke and maybe Kane could talk to Pike, knock some sense into him.

"Abby?" Octavia said as she stepped inside Arkadia's _hospital_.

The doctor was just finishing up with a patient when she heard her, instantly looking up. "Octavia?" Abby walked over to her.

"Do you have a minute?" She asked, "We need to talk."

Abby had nodded, slightly concerned as she led Octavia out. They continued walking until they reached a small room. She realized a moment later that it was Kane's; he was comfortably sitting on his bed with a book when the two of them entered. Kane set it down, looking at the two with a slightly confused look. "Abby? Octavia?"

"There's a blockade outside Arkadia and I'm worried Pike and his men will make it worse." Octavia stated.

Kane and Abby nodded, not surprised. They had noticed the Grounder army outside but didn't know what was going on because Abby and Kane were probably Pike's least favorite people right now. Kane was the first one to ask her about the blockade, and Octavia gave them a much nicer version of what she had told Pike. They had said the same thing Lincoln had, how this could potentially end up being a good thing. The only thing they were worried about was Pike dragging other innocent people into his mess.

"How is Clarke?" Abby asked once Octavia was done.

"I don't know." She told her honestly. "When I last saw her, she was going to say goodbye to the Commander." Octavia continued. "But she was taking a long time so I went to meet the riders who were going to accompany us till Arkadia." Abby nodded. "After a little while we got word that Lexa was shot."

"What?" Kane asked, suddenly really worried.

"Clarke stayed," Octavia answered. "She wanted to make sure Lexa was alright."

"But she's not safe outside Arkadia now." Abby said, looking between Kane and Octavia.

"She's under Lexa's protection, she will be fine." Octavia shrugged it off.

"But what if something happens to Lexa? Then what of Clarke?"

"Well, if something happens to Lexa, then we're all as good as dead." Octavia replied with a sarcastic smile and watched as Kane rolled his eyes at her. "Even if something happens to her, Lexa will make sure Clarke is safe." She added, her tone softer this time.

Abby nodded slowly, not knowing what to make of that. She'd had a feeling there was something going on between Clarke and the Commander; but Abby had refused to believe it because of what happened at Mt. Weather. Only, there was no reason for Clarke to not come back to Arkadia now unless there was a reason to stay in Polis. Abby realized Lexa might be that reason. She was not sure how she felt about it but a part of her knew it was probably safer for Clarke to be at Polis now instead of Arkadia. Despite the Grounders probably wanting her dead even there, Abby had a feeling Lexa would make sure nothing happened to her; after all, she had seen the way the Commander was looking at Clarke during the summit.

.

Clarke cracked an eye open as the bed suddenly shook, waking her up. It took her eyes a moment to adjust in the dark before she noticed Lexa sitting up straight. Her back was facing Clarke and she could see her trying to catch her breath as her back rose and fell rapidly. It hadn't been long since they had fallen asleep, well it hadn't been long since Lexa had fallen asleep, Clarke was still wide awake but had her eyes closed, doing her best to sleep – there hadn't been much of that since last night. From Lexa being shot and the blockade around Arkadia, Clarke's mind wouldn't quieten for even a moment. It had taken Lexa a while to fall asleep though, not only was she physically exhausted, she has been a wreck since the shooting but was doing her best to not let it show. And tonight, Clarke had thought she would be able to sleep through the night peacefully – only she knows the rest of the day has been anything but for Lexa.

"Hey," Clarke said softly, sitting up and placing a hand on Lexa's back. "You're okay." She waited for her to respond, but Lexa didn't. Clarke sighed, rubbing her hand over her back before pulling her closer. Lexa didn't resist, she let her head fall on Clarke's shoulder as she moved closer to the blonde, not saying anything. "Nightmare again?"

She only hummed in acknowledgement as a hand came up to press against her bullet wound.

"What was it this time?" Clarke asked.

"Same as before." Lexa told her, her breathing starting to return to normal.

"Is it hurting?" Clarke asked, noticing Lexa's hand over her wound.

"Not as much as earlier." Lexa replied, remembering back to earlier today when she couldn't stop herself from crying out in pain. She had broke down completely in Clarke's arms, every inch of her body throbbing with pain. She still didn't understand how such a small metal object could cause so much pain. Not only did where the bullet enter her body hurt, but her entire body was still sore from the impact; it still hurt to breathe, requiring more effort than it should. The healer had given her a medicine, saying it would help reduce the pain, but it wasn't doing much good.

Clarke looked at her, the concern and worry apparent in her eyes, "Cold water helped last time." She reminded her. There wasn't much that was helping earlier today; Clarke had never really seen Lexa in pain until now. But she had seen the brunette get hurt before and it didn't seem to have so much as effected her, so she knew it took a lot for her to actually show that she was in pain. Clarke had fallen back on one of the basic remedies for reducing pain, a cold compress. But since there was no ice available, the best they could do was cold water. "Do you want me to ask the-?" Clarke asked, beginning to get up but Lexa stopped her before she could even finish, grabbing her wrist.

She shook her head slowly, "Don't go."

"I just have to walk up to the door." Clarke told her, remaining seated. "I'm not going anywhere."

"It's nothing compared to what it was like earlier today," Lexa told her as she lied back down with her back facing Clarke's side. "I'll be fine."

She followed, settling back down next to Lexa before asking, "Are you okay?"

"I just…" She trailed off, not knowing what to say really. "I just need you right now, Clarke." Lexa managed to get out as she felt tears stinging the back of her eyes. "Here. By my side."

"I'm not going anywhere." Clarke reassured her as she draped her arm over Lexa's waist, bringing herself closer. "I'm right here." She said into her shoulder, placing a soft kiss.

A moment of silence passed, Clarke thinking Lexa was about to fall asleep once again when she spoke, "I lied."

"About what?" Clarke asked, not moving.

"The nightmare." She answered. "It wasn't the same as earlier."

"What was it?" Clarke asked gently, urging Lexa to open up.

"It was you." Lexa answered slowly, her voice quiet. "You were the one who got shot, not me." She continued before falling silent for a moment. "And I couldn't save you."

"Lexa, I'm right here, okay?" Clarke told her. "And I'm not going anywhere." She tried to reassure her. "I'll always be by your side."

Lexa turned around, facing Clarke as she looked at the blonde. "I'm sorry about all of this." She told her.

Clarke only gave her a confused look, not knowing why she should be apologizing. None of this was her fault. Most of this was _Arkadia's_ fault; after all, that is what started all of this, and now ultimately, it was Titus's fault for having shot her. But it was all set in motion because of Skaikru, Clarke's people. If anyone should be apologizing, Clarke figured, it should be her. Lexa wouldn't be put through all of this if it weren't for them. Sure, there would've been some heat after letting them into the coalition but that would've ended after the dual with Roan. If Pike hadn't massacred the 300 grounders sent to protect Arkadia, then later attacked the village, things wouldn't have gone as far as they had. "Why are you apologizing?" Clarke asked. "None of this was your fault."

"It was, I should've been more careful about what I was doing." Lexa replied, pausing for a moment. "And I have been a mess since the shooting." She bit down on her lower lip, almost looking disappointed in herself. "I've been _weak_ and I have been burdening you with it."

"No," Clarke shook her head. "No, you haven't been doing that." She brought a hand up to Lexa's cheek, caressing it with her thumb as she felt the brunette lean into her touch. "No one expects you to keep it together all the time."

" _Everyone_ does." Lexa added before Clarke could continue.

"I don't." She told her. "You're human, Lexa, you're allowed to fall apart sometimes. Especially after something like this; I mean, it was only yesterday." Clarke withdrew her hand, waiting for Lexa to respond but she didn't. "You don't have to hold back with me; I know you have a lot on your shoulders right now and it helps to share the load with someone."

Lexa nodded, holding back on tears once again; she wasn't used to having someone by her side…or so much as saying something to her that might be of some comfort. It was all still new with Clarke, so she was still figuring things out, "I'm tired Clarke." She breathed out.

"I know." Clarke nodded as Lexa moved closer, resting her head on her chest. "It'll be okay, things will settle down soon enough."

Lexa let out a long, slow breath she didn't know she was holding, shifting closer to Clarke, wanting to eliminate any distance between them.

"Try to sleep, you need it." Clarke told her softly as she felt the Commander nod against her. "I'll be right here when you wake up." She added, reassuring Lexa again that she had no intention of leaving.

* * *

 _A/N:_ So yeah, that was the second chapter, thanks for reading. Let me know what you think coz i am still figuring out where i'm taking the story.


	3. I'll never be one of your people

_Chapter summary:_ Day three, so it's the next day basically. Starts with clexa and for the first time, we see the two of them thinking about what their relationship means. There's more Polis (clexa) than Arkadia this time. Also, Octavia swears and throws a few punches.

 _A/N:_ last chapter kinda sucked so i'm hoping this one makes up for it. there's more clexa in this one and i think its all pretty cute and feels-y. not much of arkadia in this one, but there is octavia who punches people. and pike and bellamy are a couple of dicks (what else is new tho). can i just say that i really hate bellamy now? he's not getting a redemption because he made clarke cry and there is no coming back from that so he's just going to continue being the bad guy.

* * *

It had been a busy day, Clarke thought to herself as she made her way back to Lexa's room. The lack of sleep last night and with everything to do today, she and Lexa were tired to say the least. According to her, if the Commander was to get hurt as bad as this and couldn't carry out the day-to-day duties temporarily, the _Fleimkepa_ would. Only that wasn't the case right now considering how Titus was still in a cell. It had taken a while and a lot of consideration before Lexa decided on one of her generals dealing with things for a while; he wouldn't be making any decisions, still reporting back to Lexa about everything, he would just be the one the people dealt with.

Clarke wasn't too sure about it, not knowing whether it was smart to trust someone like that right now, when almost everyone was against Lexa. But she had assured her that this would be fine, it wasn't giving her general any power, he was just a middle man between Lexa and any problem that needed to be addressed. They still hadn't talked about Titus, Clarke had brought it up but after a moment, realized that Lexa wasn't up for talking about it right now. So Clarke had let it go, Titus was locked up anyways, he wasn't causing harm to anyone. Despite appointing someone to take care of things until she was back on her feet, Lexa didn't trust anyone enough to talk to her Nightbloods. They would want to know what was happening and there were already rumors – _highly inaccurate_ ones –going around Polis. So Clarke was the only one who could go to talk to them.

She didn't want to leave Lexa's side right now, especially after this morning; although last night was slightly better for Lexa, she was once again in excruciating pain, but Clarke knew that this was important to her and no one other than her, Murphy and Titus knew exactly what had happened. She'd heard that there were already ready rumors going around the city but they didn't really seem to bother Lexa. Although talking to them shouldn't have taken too long, Clarke ended up being held there for hours. She's not really sure how, but the little Hedas in training were adorable to say the least and time kind of just flew away.

Walking into the room, Clarke saw Lexa lying on the bed, her back facing the door and if her steady breathing was anything to go by, she was asleep. Clarke was careful to not make any noise as she made her way to the bed and sat down next to her. Lexa looked peaceful, which meant she hadn't been asleep for too long. She wasn't getting more than an hour of sleep at a time before waking up – some times with a violent jolt (like last night), other times just a startle. Clarke sat down on the edge of the bed, next to her; the bullet had done a number on her but she would get better; it would take a while, both Clarke and Lexa knew that – and Clarke had been constantly telling her it would only take longer if she didn't stay in bed and rest.

She needed all the sleep she could get right now; Lexa was exhausted. Clarke knew she was still in pain; it wasn't as bad as yesterday, but she could see the discomfort in her movement this morning and before she'd left. She was trying to hide it, not wanting Clarke to see her in pain any longer. It took a bit of persuasion in the morning to keep her in bed, Lexa wanted to be up and back on her feet, trying to convince Clarke she was alright. But Clarke knew better than that, Lexa couldn't even sit up straight for too long without hurting.

The room was silent, no other noise than the sounds floating into the room from the city below them. Clarke didn't move, just sat in silence, watching the sleeping Commander as she let herself soak in this brief moment of calm; there was still no news from Arkadia, – which was probably a good thing – there were no immediate threats to either her or Lexa, and for a moment Lexa seemed to be alright – only Clarke knows she has been anything but. She hadn't expected Lexa to be like this now, Clarke had thought Lexa would try to put up a façade, pretending she was perfectly fine other than being _slightly_ hurt physically. This was a different side of Lexa, one where she had stripped down her falls and let herself be vulnerable in front of Clarke. It told Clarke two things: 1) Lexa was comfortable around her enough to do that, and 2) she couldn't hold back anymore, it was all too much by now and Lexa just _couldn't_ keep it together any longer.

Clarke's not really sure how she felt about that, it was hurting her to see Lexa like that, knowing there wasn't anything she could do right now to help lessen the pain she was in. But right now, in this moment, Clarke felt… _calm_ ; Lexa was asleep peacefully next to her, nothing was expected of the two of them – at this very moment, anyways – and Clarke was doing her best to keep her mind off of Arkadia, if her people complied, no one else would get hurt, but from the events of the past few days, Clarke wasn't too sure that would be the case right now. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowing as she let her shoulders relax and she let her mind drift to her and Lexa for the first time since they had gotten together. Everything after that had happened so fast that neither of them got the chance to think it through and figure out what this meant for them. Clarke didn't know where they stood right at the moment, all she knew was that she didn't want to leave Lexa's side…not now anyways.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted when felt Lexa stir next to her. Clarke let out a small worried sigh as she placed a hand on Lexa's arm. "Lexa?"

It took over a minutes, Clarke trying to wake her up as Lexa fought against whatever was haunting her dreams this time before she finally woke up. She startled awake this time, eyes snapping open as she looked around frantically before her eyes finally found Clarke's. "Clarke." Lexa breathed out, her chest still heaving as she turned to lie on her back and look up at her.

Clarke nodded, telling her that she was here. "Are you okay?" She asked gently, knowing the answer.

Lexa turned her gaze away, looking down at Clarke's hand on the bed next to her's. She brought her hand up, placing it over Clarke's, "I'm fine." She answered once she could feel the warmth from Clarke's skin radiate onto her's; telling her that this was real, that Clarke was real.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Clarke asked, knowing Lexa would say no.

And she did, gently shaking her head as she looked back at Clarke, "There's nothing to talk about," Lexa told her. "It was about the shooting again."

Clarke only nodded, letting it go, deciding it was best to give her some space right now. It was obvious from the start that Lexa wasn't someone who opened up to anyone often so Clarke decided not to push, she was already opening up more than she had expected Lexa to. As much as Clarke was worried about her, she knew in times like this, you just need some space sometimes. "How are you feeling?"

"Better than yesterday." Lexa replied.

"That's good." Clarke commented, her eyes soft and gentle as the corners of her lips tugged upwards slightly. But soon fell when she noticed Lexa's hand go up to where to the bullet had entered her.

Before Clarke could ask if something was wrong – because as much as she was prepared to give Lexa space if she needed it, Clarke couldn't take the same stance when it came to her physical health – Lexa spoke, "I think it's bleeding again."

"Let me see," Clarke said gently, waiting for Lexa to remove her hand before lifting the hem of her shirt. "It's just a little." She told her, noticing the small droplets of blood which had soaked through. "I'll change it." Clarke let her hand brush against Lexa's skin as she stood up and walked over to the table by the couch.

Lexa watched as Clarke gathered a few things from the table, her healer had brought in some supplies earlier today when Clarke had asked. She was grateful for it, Lexa didn't want anyone seeing her when she was hurt but too many people already had. She didn't mind Clarke though, Lexa's not sure why but despite her best attempts, she couldn't seem to keep her guard up around her. Maybe it was a good thing, Lexa thought to herself, thinking back on how in the last few days, she had done everything she could to show Clarke how sorry she was for what happened at Mt. Weather. For a long time, Lexa had thought Clarke wouldn't forgive her, and even if she did, maybe she didn't the same way. But then Lexa had noticed things getting better between them, slowly, but better nonetheless. And finally when Clarke had come to say goodbye before leaving for Arkadia but had kissed her instead, she let herself believe there was hope for them. Lexa would never forget how being with Clarke felt, how the relief washed over her when Clarke's lips touched hers; it was overwhelming, all the emotions pouring in all at once but Lexa wouldn't have had it any other way.

Clarke made her way back to Lexa, who's mind was still preoccupied with her thoughts; remembering back to how she finally felt happy and content and how it hadn't lasted even an hour before things went so wrong so quickly.

"What are you thinking about?" Clarke asked, bring Lexa back to reality as she started to remove the bandage.

"Nothing," Lexa replied as she lifted her back off the bed slightly to allow Clarke to unwrap the old bandage. She wanted to ask her about it, about where they stood in terms of their relationship after that kiss, but now wasn't the right time for that; they both had a lot going on, Clarke wasn't talking about it but Lexa knew she was worried about the blockade around Arkadia, and Lexa…well, she had literally everything to worry about right now…from her advisor turning against her and almost killing her, to most of her people questioning her leadership for not going to war, everything was against her right now. "How did it go with the Nightbloods?" She finally asked.

"It went alright, I ended up getting caught up with them longer than expected." She replied, wiping away the little bit of black liquid from Lexa's skin. "They're worried about you." Clarke told her. Lexa flinched momentarily, causing her to withdraw her hand apologetically and muttering a small sorry before going back to cleaning it.

Lexa took this opportunity to try and talk Clarke into letting her out of bed, "That is why I can't spend days in bed, Clarke." It was a desperate attempt, Lexa knew that, but it was the best she could do right now. Being stuck in her room was becoming unbearable, although it was giving her a chance to relax, that was the last thing Lexa was capable of doing right now, there was way too much on her mind.

"You will until you've healed." She told her, tapping Lexa's side gently with her finger as she lifted her back of the bed again, letting Clarke wrap the new bandage around her.

Clarke went around twice, and Lexa let herself lie back down. "I feel fine."

"Lexa, you were bleeding _just now_." Clarke reminded her as she tucked in the loose end and smoothed it out with her thumb. "You're not okay, not yet." Her voice was softer this time. "Just a few more days okay?"

Lexa waited a moment before nodding slowly, Clarke was right, she couldn't even sit up straight for more than a few minutes without the pain taking over. She could feel it again now, the pain from where the bullet had entered her spreading out, making her insides feel like they were burning. She's not sure why it kept happening but it would every now and then, some times were worse than others and fortunately, right now, it wasn't too bad.

"You're hurting again." Clarke commented.

Lexa gave her a confused look, not knowing how she noticed. "How did you-"

"Your breathing changes every times it hurts," She explained. "There's the not-so-subtle sharp intake of breath, followed by you trying to hide the fact that every breath you take is causing you pain." Clarke sighed as she finished, her hand reaching out to hold Lexa's.

"You sound worried." Lexa said quietly.

"I am." Clarke breathed out. "You were shot, Lexa." She told her. "I almost lost you." Her voice was almost inaudible, Lexa probably didn't even hear her.

Lexa watched Clarke for a moment as the words reached her, studying her and noticing the worry in her blue eyes. Silence fell over, neither of them saying anything, neither of them _needing_ to say anything. "Come to bed." Lexa spoke a few moments later. "I want you by my side." She added hesitantly, looking away from Clarke.

* * *

There was a small supply closet in Arkadia's medical facility and in the past, it wasn't off much use to anyone. Now, however, this was the only place anyone could meet without Pike knowing. Abby and Kane stood on one end of the room with Octavia and Sinclair standing across from them. Kane's bug inside the conference room still hadn't been found and it told them that Pike was planning on attacking the Grounder army outside. "It's not like I warned anyone about exactly this." Octavia had mused sarcastically when Kane had first told her. And as they spoke, Pike was talking about recruiting people because even he wasn't stupid enough to think this army was the same as the previous one.

"Lexa's not going to stand for peace if he kills anymore of her people." Octavia said impatiently. "She's already getting a lot of heat from for not attacking, I don't think she can hold off any longer. I don't see why she would even want to."

"She's the Commander, she will work things out with her people." Kane said calmly.

"Her position doesn't matter if her people start to think she's weak." Octavia said in response. "One of the villagers who took me to Polis pulled out a knife and tried to kill her because she refused to attack Arkadia."

Kane opened his mouth to say something but Sinclair stopped him, "Bottom line is," He looked around. "We have to stop Pike or there _will_ be a war."

Before anyone else could say anything, a single gunshot rang out. Taking a moment to process it, the three of them rushed out of the supply closet and outside. The sight in front of Octavia made her stop in her tracks, she's not sure how Abby and Kane had reacted to it, but they probably didn't feel as sick and scared as she did in that moment. A few feet in front of them, the Grounders Pike was holding as prisoners were on their knees with Bellamy behind them with a gun. One of them lay on the ground, his head open as it bled out. The people watching didn't seem to mind what was happening let alone try and stop it. Pike wa– no, _Bellamy_ was executing them. Even Lincoln was there, he was at the far end of the line next to Nyko.

"BELLAMY!" Octavia yelled out, running to him.

He had his gun pressed against another Grounder when he heard his sister. Bellamy didn't say anything, slowly lowered the gun and turned around to see his sister angrily running up to him. He had expected Octavia to be angry, but they didn't have a choice right now but to kill them. What he wasn't expecting was her first interaction with him today to be her fist colliding with his face.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" She yelled, her hands clenched into fists by her side.

Bellamy turned his head to look at her, wiping away the blood dripping from his nose with his thumb. "It was Pike's idea." He said slowly.

Another punch, Octavia's sure she broke his nose this time. "Then why the fuck are _you_ the one killing them?!"

"You punch my guard one more time, I'm putting you down on the lineup with them." Pike's voice came from behind her.

Octavia waited, not saying anything as she glared at Bellamy and listened to Pike's footsteps getting closer. She didn't have to know he was close enough because his hand came up to touch her shoulder; turning on her heel in a flash and with one swift motion of her arm, she had Pike stumbling back and doing his best to keep his balance.

Just as Pike had regained his balance, Kane ran up to them, throwing himself between Octavia and Pike. "Enough," He told her, his voice low and intimidating as he tried to push the two of them away from each other.

"Down on your knees, Blake." Pike yelled out, stepping away.

" _Jok yu_." Octavia muttered, beginning to walk away. She hadn't gotten more than a couple of steps before two guards grabbed her, dragging her at the end of the line and kicking her feet from under her. Octavia landed with a thump next to Lincoln.

"She's not one of them." She heard Bellamy say to Pike. "You can't just kill her, she's one of _your_ people."

"Sure I can." Pike took the gun out of Bellamy's hand before he could do anything. "My people don't attack me like that."

Bellamy tackled him as he began to walk away, both of them landing on the ground with a soft _thump_. "No, I'm not letting you." He tried, doing his best to wrestle the gun away from him.

But Bellamy was no match for Pike, especially because the other guards interfered; it took him all of 20 seconds for one of the guards to hit him in the face with the back of their gun and for Pike to be back on his feet. "Stay down son." He said, looking down at him. "Prove to me your brother's right." Pike said as he stepped up to Octavia, holding the gun over the back of her head. "Tell me you're one of my people."

Octavia didn't lower her head, not wanting to give into Pike, she wasn't afraid of him. "I'll never be one of your people."

* * *

 _A/N:_ well, that was one way to end it. (i honestly wasn't planning on that ending, it sort of just happened and i went with it).

also, i really just wanna give lexa a hug but at least she has clarke right now. and i know i've been focusing more on lexa but i will get to clarke and how she's doing with everything going on soon enough, hopefully by the next chapter.

and thanks for reading, let me know what you thought of this one (and the ending and also the clexa bits because i love writing them).


	4. We are not attacking

_Chapter summary:_ Picks up right after the last chapter. Lexa is very much done with Skaikru's bullshit and we see her addressing her people about it. There's also Bellamy being a dick and Octavia swears.

 _A/N:_ i'm updating a day earlier than usual but that's to make up for the fact that i'm not updating the soulmate au this week either oops. it got longer than i was expecting. it was fun writing octavia, more than i thought tbh. and no, i haven't forgiven bell.

* * *

Octavia waited for Pike to pull the trigger, she wasn't expecting anything else right now; Kane had been restraint by a couple of guards and Bellamy was…just standing there, not even trying to do anything about it. Just as she expected the bullet to hit her, Lincoln jumped up backwards, colliding with Pike as the two of them landed on the ground. Octavia didn't dare move, only turned slightly as she watched Lincoln try to wrestle the gun away from Pike. She's not sure what he thought he was going to achieve through that, the guards would intervene soon enough an- Before she could finish her thought, a familiar hand grabbed her arm and pulled her up to her feet, dragging her away from there.

It took her a moment to realize who it was, Octavia's eyes were still on Lincoln as whoever it was, pulled her away. Finally out of sight of Arkadia's center, – which they were calling _Arkadia Square_ , something Octavia didn't quite understand – she turned her head to look at who it was. Jerking her arm away at the sight of her brother, Octavia stormed away in the general direction of her bunk, not so much as saying anything to him. She hadn't gotten too far when she heard the shot ring out, _No_ , Octavia thought to herself before realizing it must've been him, it had to have been Lincoln. She made a run for it, wanting to return to the site of execution and prove to herself that she was wrong, and that Lincoln was fine. But Bellamy stopped her, "No," He held her back, arms going around her from behind, "Go back to your bunk, lock your door." He let her go, looking her in the eye. "I'll talk to Pike and I'll let you know what happened."

She didn't want to agree to anything Bellamy was saying right now, but Octavia knew this was her only chance of making it out of here alive. Not replying to her brother, Octavia turned back around, running off towards her bunk reluctantly.

* * *

" _Heda!_ "

An urgent knock on the door interrupted Clarke and Lexa. They were on her bed, Lexa still not being allowed to leave but it wasn't as bad when Clarke decided to spend the day in bed with her. The two of were both lying on their sides, lips connected as their tongues moved lazily against the other and Clarke's hands had found their way to tangle into Lexa's hair. They pulled away at the sound, Clarke in a flash, putting distance between them and Lexa remaining frozen on her spot for a moment as she finally managed to open her eyes.

" _Min op_." Clarke called out instead of Lexa as she sat up on the bed and helped Lexa up. She placed a pillow behind her back, letting her sit up straight as she leaned against the headboard and the doors swung open with one of her messengers walking in.

"What is this about?" Lexa asked, her voice confident and authoritative, sounding like herself for the first time in days. She had expected it to come out low and raspy if anything considering what was happening only a moment ago.

She sounded a little annoyed, causing the messenger – who Clarke noticed was only a young boy – to lower his head in apology. Everyone knew better than to interrupt her when she was in her room, meaning this had to be important. "Arkadia." He replied simply, his voice small.

"What about it?" Lexa asked, sitting up as straight as she could.

"They killed eight more of our people." He replied, daring to look up.

"What?" Clarke jumped in before Lexa could respond.

"The people they were holding prisoner," He explained her. "They were executed earlier this morning."

" _What_?" Lexa managed to get out through gritted teeth. "The ones who were sick and _weak_ and taken there to get help?" Despite everything, a part of her thought Skaikru was better than to stoop to this level.

She sounded scary to say the least and Clarke could swear the young boy was trembling at Lexa's tone. He didn't seem to want to reply but nodded his head slowly.

"Has any Sky People left the gates yet?" Lexa asked, finding it in herself to calm down slightly but Clarke could still see the anger burning in her eyes.

"No _Heda_."

Clarke looked at Lexa, almost afraid to see her reaction to this but her face didn't give anything away. "Ask Jonathan to gather the other generals and call for the ambassadors." She told him calmly, doing her best to keep her composure. "One hour, in the throne room."

The boy nodded, shuffling away as the door closed behind him.

"Lexa I am so sor-" Clarke started but Lexa shook her head, stopping her.

"This isn't your fault Clarke." She replied, not sounding angry this time. "But if you are worried I am going to attack, I'm not."

"You're…not?"

"No," Lexa shook her head slowly. "Those people were already inside, they were as good as gone. But if even one of my warriors end up dead," She paused for a moment, her voice lowering, "I will attack."

* * *

A few seconds passed when the knocking came again, louder this time followed by an order to open the door.

"WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I?" Octavia yelled back. "So you can drag me back to Pike?"

"I would never let him hurt you," Bellamy tried. "You _know_ that."

"I _did_ know that." She said back to him, still sounding angry. "I don't anymore because if I remember clearly, Pike had a fucking gun to my head about an hour ago and all you did was _stand_ there and _watch_." Octavia finally stood up, reluctantly walking over to the door to unlock it.

Bellamy stepped inside the moment the door was open wide enough, not waiting for his sister to invite him in. Octavia stepped aside, letting him in before following him further into the room. The moment he had turned around to face her, Octavia's hand came up in a fist yet again, colliding with Bellamy's face. He brought his hand up to his face, trying to wipe away the blood dripping out of his already broken nose. "Will you stop doing that?"

"Will _you_ stop being Pike's lap dog for one fucking minute?" She asked sarcastically in return before sitting down on the bed. Octavia fell quiet for a moment, her voice quieter when she spoke again, "What did you do with them?" She asked. "With their bodies?"

"Threw them outside the gate." Bellamy replied, not bothered by his answer. "As a warning to Lexa's army if they try and attack us."

"You're glad I'm sitting down." She told him, her voice low. "I have the urge to punch you again." Octavia glared at him, speaking through gritted teeth, "Lexa's army is not here to attack, not yet. I told you that." She turned her eyes away, looking down at the ground, "Lincoln's dead, isn't he?" Her voice wavered despite her doing her best to not.

Bellamy lowered his head, not having it in him to look at his sister as he nodded slowly, "Yeah, Pike shot him when he-"

"When he saved my life." Octavia finished his sentence, she didn't want to sound as small and broken as she did right now. "What does Pike hope to achieve by killing sick, helpless Grounders and then throwing their bodies out like that?" Her tone changed, returning back to normal. Bellamy opened his mouth to speak but she stopped him, "And if you say it was to warn the army or scare them, god help me." Octavia glared at him.

"Fine, I won't." He raised his head, crossing his arms over his chest. "I know you don't realize this O, but Chancellor Pike is doing what's best for us."

"DO YOU HERE YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?" She bolted to her feet, yelling at him. "This is the Army of the 12 Clans; Pike and his little boy band have no chance of winning a war against them." Before her brother could say something in response, she continued, "They have been living here for about a century when we haven't been here for even a year. This is _their_ land, Bell; you and Pike and his delusional followers have no chance of wiping out an _entire civilization_."

"We'll see about that." He told her, doing his best to be intimidating.

Octavia let out a exasperated sigh as she threw her hands up in surrender, not knowing what Pike was giving him to make his this delusional. _Jaha's chip would probably have less of an effect_. "Okay, what do you think is going to happen when Lexa gets word of this, huh? She asked. "Eight more of her people – sick and weak and helpless – all dead. And why? Just to send a pointless message?"

* * *

"We are not attacking." Lexa said from her throne to the room now full of generals and ambassadors in her usual tone which Clarke could only describe as _commander_.

Clarke stood by her side, where Titus used to, mostly because she knew Lexa wasn't well enough to be out of bed right now and she wanted to be as close to her as possible without it looking suspicious in case something happened. She looked across the room, watching as they talked amongst themselves for a second before one of the generals stepped up to speak.

"But _Heda_ , _Skaikru_ is doing nothing but killing our people." His voice was lowered as he spoke, not wanting to come off as disrespectful. " _Jus no drein just daun, sha_." He said with a nod before speaking in English again, "But how is it to work if they don't so much as try to uphold peace?"

Clarke knew he had a point, peace had to go both ways; Lexa couldn't enforce it if _Skaikru_ wouldn't stop killing innocent Grounders let alone try to make peace with them. She didn't know how Lexa was going to answer but Clarke realized she shouldn't have been surprised when she spoke.

She sounded calm, but her voice was still loud and clear, reaching till the back of the room. "This was the last time they killed us without having to bleed for it." Lexa told them. "Any more of our warriors shed blood unnecessarily and we will go to war."

More muttering amongst the generals and ambassadors, only this time, Clarke realized, it sounded positive. " _Sha, Heda_." The general who had last spoken responded, bowing his head slightly as he stepped away.

"Now tell me," Lexa turned to the messenger. "What happened?"

He told her the best he could from being outside the wall and Clarke realized how Pike was doing nothing more than making things worse, he wasn't even _trying_ to ease the tension between him and the Grounders. From outside the gates, the scouts on the trees were able to see what had happened but they couldn't hear a word. And from what Clarke could tell, Pike seemed to have wanted them to see everything. The Grounder prisoners – who were brought to Arkadia because they were sick and needed help – were marched out to Arkadia's center for all it's people to see. Pike had wanted to make a public display of it and make a statement to the people, both his and Lexa's, telling them that they should step away while they still had the chance.

The prisoners, some of whom were too weak to even walk were put down on their knees before Bellamy shot the first one. It wasn't a surprise to Clarke that the messenger addressed Bellamy by name; the Grounders knew who he was, the one to storm the capital during a summit with weapons and guns nonetheless. To them, it was disrespectful not only to the capital and their Commander, but to everything Polis stood for, peace and sanctuary. They would not be forgetting him any time soon. A part of Clarke wanted to stop the messenger and ask is he was sure that it was Bellamy but she knew that it wasn't impossible, after everything that had happened – after what _he_ had done – it didn't surprise her.

What _did_ surprise her though, was the mention of Octavia. The messenger, who's name Clarke still did not know, told them about how she tried to stop the execution, punching her brother but failing ultimately. Lexa only nodded, listening to him, last time she had seen Octavia, it was clear that she hated her brother right now for everything he had done. The mention of Octavia punching Pike, however, got a response from Clarke. "Is she okay?" She asked suddenly, drawing all eyes to her. Clarke knew Pike wouldn't just let that go and from all the people inside Arkadia, Octavia was one of the _very few_ people she still cared about.

The messenger hesitated before telling them about it. Clarke felt her breath hitch when he said Octavia was put down on her knees in the lineup, he's not sure what Octavia had said but whatever it was, it set Pike over the edge. The lack of Bellamy trying to stop this was disturbing to say the least, Clarke knew he had reached a new low since Pike came along but she never for one moment thought that he would give up on trying to protect his sister. It was a relief to know that Octavia had made it out alive but she could feel herself shudder when she heard about what happened to Lincoln. "Once they were all dead, they opened the gates," The boy continued, his voice beginning to waver, Lexa didn't say anything, only gave him a small nod, encouraging him to continue. "They dragged the bodies out like they were animals." He told everyone but Lexa in particular. "No respect for the dead, _Heda_ ; we treat our animal better."

As he finished, Lexa could hear the ambassadors and generals speaking all at once. She waited a moment for them to quieten down but a few seconds later, when they didn't, she raised her hand, " _Shof op_." She called out loudly and silence fell over the room instantly. "Make arrangements to return the bodies to their families." Lexa ordered and two men from the back quietly left the room. "I suspect it won't be long before the Chancellor decides to attack my army." Her voice travelled across the room, loud and calm and effortlessly authoritative. "I stand by what I said, we do not march on Arkadia until he does so, this is their last chance." Her eyes found an elderly man in the small crowd. "Write to them, warn the Chancellor that we will not let him do as he pleases any longer." She instructed as the man nodded with slight difficulty. "Then send it to me before we have messengers take it to them."

It was silent for a moment, Lexa studying the people in front of her and being satisfied by what she saw, no one seemed to have something to say against her decision. Her people were starting to warm up the new policy, reluctantly, but it was still progress. Lexa is not sure what it was because it was only a couple of days ago when someone tried to kill her because she refused to attack Arkadia, but a part of her suspected that the people were starting to realize that the fate of anyone who questioned her did not end well.

It wasn't long after that before the room was cleared out; everyone was clear on what was happening right now and they knew there was no point in questioning Lexa's decision because it would end badly for them and nothing else. The moment the door closed behind the last of her audience, Lexa's eyes turned to Clarke questioningly, she knew the blonde didn't want to attack, they were her people after all, but right now not only did Lexa have no other choice, but she didn't want an alternative. She couldn't establish peace if all Pike did was attack and kill her people. "Clarke?" Lexa asked, not needing to ask her anything else.

Clarke only shrugged, taking a step towards closer to Lexa. "It was bound to happen sooner or later." She said stepping up to her and held out a hand to help her up. "Especially since Pike doesn't show any signs of stopping."

"I am hoping that he takes this warning seriously," Lexa told her as she took her hand, using it to pull herself up. "It will save us both a war." She managed to stand up, closing her eyes for a moment as pain shot through her.

"After everything," Clarke started, taking Lexa's arm, offering support as they began to walk away towards the door. "I doubt that he will." She said as she slowed down her pace, noticing how Lexa was having difficulty walking.

Lexa nodded reluctantly. "I know this must be hard for you, Clarke." She managed to get out as she tried to not pay attention to how every step was hurting more than she'd had expected it to. "You still have people you care about inside Arkadia."

"It doesn't matter now." Clarke dismissed it but it was killing her on the inside knowing that when Lexa attacked, no one inside Arkadia would live to tell what happened. "There's nothing to do about it." The doors swung open and the two of them stepped out, making their way towards Lexa's bedroom. "You need to rest." Clarke said as they continued walking. "You know what's about to come, and you're still in no shape for it." Lexa opened her mouth to protest but Clarke stopped her. "I'm not trying to stop you from riding with your army." She explained. "This is your army, your people, and your fight, so I understand." Clarke gave her a small smile. "But that means you need to rest now so that you _can_ actually lead your army."

Lexa didn't respond, she knew Clarke was right, she couldn't even walk back to her room right now without Clarke's help. If she didn't get better by the time they had to march to Arkadia, everything would just be worse than it already was; she would have to ride into battle with her army but it would be embarrassing if anything if she was too weak to actually fight.

* * *

"We have to do something." Abby said to Kane, Octavia and Sinclair as they met again in the supply closet. It hadn't been long since the message ( _warning_ ) was delivered to Arkadia. Pike hadn't taken it well, shooting the messenger before walking off, no doubt going to plan their attack on the army. "Pike is going to attack them any moment now and now we know for a fact that Lexa will not stand for this any longer."

"But what can we do?" Octavia asked, she wasn't in the headspace right now to be thinking about anything really. She hadn't had the chance to so much as think about Lincoln let alone try and make peace with what happened. A part of her knew she Couldn't let it go and how she would never see Bellamy the same way; he was to blame just as much as Pike.

"Yeah," Sinclair said with a nod. "It would be different if there were more people opposed to what Pike was doing." He told them. "But right now it's just us, there might be others but no one else is willing to stand up to him."

"We can help Lexa." Kane said suddenly, all eyes turning to him questioningly. "Pike isn't going to stop." He told them, noticing the disapproving looks he was receiving. "He is just going to continue killing her people, people who have done nothing to us." Octavia was the only one to nod before Kane continued. "And either ways, if the Army of the 12 Clans march on us, no one is making out of here alive. But if we can help her, and if there are more people who are _willing_ to help as well, our people still have a chance of surviving."

"He's right." Abby said after a moment. "We are going to be wiped out when the Grounders attack. I know Lexa said she will only attack if Pike starts to kill her warriors, but we all _know_ that is where it's headed right now."

"So what do we do?" Octavia asked.

"First," Kane started. "We find a way to contact them without Pike knowing. But our radio's range isn't that great so we'll have to find another way."

"There is another way." Octavia told them causing everyone to look at her questioningly. "Indra's here." She looked around. "I can get to her, have her deliver a message to Lexa." Kane nodded. "If we can figure out what we can do to help, I can sneak out and meet with Indra."

"Okay, good." Abby nodded. "But how can we possibly help them?"

"Raven." Sinclair spoke. "Radios." He corrected. "We can help the Grounders once they are closer to Arkadia." He explained. "If we can get enough radios out to them, we can keep in contact with them and help from the inside."

"So we're offering to be their eyes and ears on the inside?" Abby asked and the three of them nodded. "What if Pike picks up on the frequency of the radios?"

"I'll have Raven work around that." Sinclair answered. "Maybe we can get it on a different frequency or find a way to block Pike out." He shrugged. "Don't worry, Raven can figure it out."

The others nodded, no one doubted what Raven could do. "I'm going to find Indra." Octavia told them, stepping towards the door. "Let her know and see what she thinks." She didn't sound entirely convinced; sure, this would help the army when attack but at the same time, help to what extent? There wasn't much they could tell them that Lexa didn't know already. Pike was very secretive about what he was planning on doing and the only way this could be of actual help would be if someone in Pike's council was willing to help.

It didn't take Octavia long to make her way out of Arkadia, there were still small openings which no one seemed to have noticed yet. She just hoped it would remain that way for a while longer. Indra still had her radio and Octavia was able to get to her easily without either of them being spotted. She seemed a little skeptical about the plan at first, well it wasn't much of a plan right now, it was just four sky people agreeing to inform the Commander about what was happening inside the walls of Arkadia. But Indra soon realized that it could be helpful, they had next to no idea about what it was like inside, so it could potentially help if they had someone on the inside.

* * *

 _A/N:_ there's that then. so i guess its pretty clear that lexa's going to attack arkadia soon enough. and i will get to how clarke is feeling about all of this soon (because i am not jroth and clarke's feelings actually matter to me so i won't make her just "suck it up and move on")


	5. Em ste gon laik ait

_Chapter summary:_ Clexa's kinda domestic. Pike (and bellamy) is a dick. They're on the verge of war. And Roan is here.

 _A/N:_ Okay so, it's 3am on a school night i don't know what's wrong with me. but...i won't be updating for a while. well, i won't be until at least the 21st of June. i know it's a long way to go, over two months from now and i really don't want to take a break from writing but i have my exams coming up in the middle of May and I really need to go full study-mode now. so yeah, I just thought I'd let you guys know that I'm not abandoning the fic (that's the last thing I wanna do), but it will be a while until I can update again. And I hope you guys are still here to read it when i'm back...and that's why i'm up till 3am, coz i wanted to finish this chapter and post at least one update before i had to go away for a while.  
[[btw, my Trig is rusty, so i hope i didn't mess up too bad, the translations are at the end of the chapter]]

* * *

It had been quiet the last two days, giving Lexa a chance to heal. It was a slow process, she realized, and a painful one because she was still hurting more than she had thought she would be. But she was holding up better than before. It helped having Clarke here, Lexa's not really sure how she would've dealt with this without her to be honest. Nonetheless, it still made her feel weak for _needing_ someone but Clarke had reassured her more than once that it was alright and that there was nothing wrong in how she was feeling right now. But now, for a moment, it felt like things were starting to calm down, maybe Pike had taken the warning seriously – something Clarke seriously doubted because this was Pike after all. Nevertheless right now, as she lay on the couch with her head on Clarke's lap, Lexa couldn't be bothered to worry about anything.

Clarke let out a soft sigh, her fingers gently trailing over Lexa's arm as she watched the steady rise and fall of her back. With Lexa seemingly alright now and the lack of news from Arkadia, she felt calm. It was still early – not even noon yet, Clarke realized but they had been awake for more than a few hours now, Lexa being well enough – _just enough_ – to finally be able to get back to her duties. Fortunately, there wasn't much to do today so she was back in her room within a couple of hours. The sunlight was making it's way in through the curtains, illuminating the room in a soft light but Lexa still insisted on the candles being lit. It was something Clarke had picked up on; there were always candles around and they were always lit, she had been meaning to ask Lexa about it because, like right now, there was no need for them. Clarke thought Lexa was about to fall asleep again but her stirring slightly told Clarke otherwise; she hadn't slept enough last night to have been awake since this early. "You could sleep, you know that right?" She asked gently. "Just for an hour or two?"

Lexa nodded slowly against her. "Sleep doesn't come easy, Clarke. You know that."

"Yeah, I do." Her fingers continued trailing on her arm, making random patterns because she had come to learn how comforting Lexa found this. It was the nightmares which led to Clarke realizing it; the touches so gentle that Clarke swore Lexa couldn't even feel them seemed to be one of the few things that could calm her down. "But you didn't sleep more than a couple of hours last night."

"I kno-" Lexa was cut off by a loud knock on the door, she wasn't expecting anyone right now. She sat up, being careful to not stretch her scar before telling the person on the other side to come in.

The doors opened and one of Lexa's generals Clarke knew better than the rest, Jonathan, walked in…more like stormed. He looked angry, " _Fai stedaun, Heda_." Unlike most of the other warriors and generals, he opted to speak in Trigedasleng more often than in English. " _En emo gon frag op mou_."

" _Fai gona?_ " Lexa asked in response.

" _Sha, Heda_." He replied with a nod. " _En mou_."

Lexa let out a frustrated sigh as she nodded, "Gather the war council," She told her. "Wanheda and I will be in the meeting room in an hour."

.

Within the next few hours, everyone important was gathered in the large meeting room inside the tower and the leaders of the other clans had been notified; none of them were expected to show up, but it was a formality to let them know. Lexa was sitting at the head of the table, maps and other papers spread out across it. Their initial plan was to charge through the front gates with a small but effective army, weaken Skaikru's front lines before actually attacking with a lot more force. But Clarke pointed out that it wouldn't be possible to march through the gates unless someone on the inside had opened it.

"What about the fences?" One of them asked. "They don't look too strong."

"They're electrically charged," Clarke answered, shaking her head. "No one's getting in or out through it."

"How do we get inside then?" Someone else asked, sounding frustrated as silence fell at the question because at the moment, it seemed like there wasn't a way in. Sure, Kane had offered to help but Clarke and Lexa knew better than to rely solely on that. Not that they questioned Kane, but they knew if Pike found out about it, it would be shut down immediately.

"There are a few weak points." Clarke suddenly remembered, thinking back to how Octavia got in and out of camp. "Octavia knows them, she uses them to get in and out of camp without anyone noticing." She turned her head to look at Lexa, "But they're small, no more than two people can enter through them and Octavia's the only one who knows where they are."

Lexa only nodded, they weren't getting too far with this; although Arkadia did not have nearly as many soldiers as her army did, they still had the upper hand, they had guns and their gate was secured too well for them to break in through them. "Send more scouts." Lexa said to everyone at the table. "We need to know more about what it is like inside their walls." They watched her expectedly, wanting more of an explanation. "It'll let us know when it's the best time to attack because we don't know what it's like inside." She reminded them. "We don't know much about the people or their fighting techniques."

"But the longer we wait, the more time they have to prepare for our army." The woman next to Clarke noted.

"They're already prepared." Lexa replied. "If they attacked the army outside today, they must think they are prepared to fight." She looked around the table, "But if _we_ are not prepared, it won't matter how many men we have."

They all seemed to nod, everyone here knew better than to attack without a proper plan especially when the enemy already knew what they were doing.

"Let me go inside." Clarke spoke suddenly, drawing all eyes to herself. "I can talk to Pike, give them a chance to surrender before you attack." She could already see the disapproving look in Lexa's eyes. "And even if he doesn't agree, I might be able to find a way to shut down the fences for the army outside."

"No." Lexa stated simply. "Pike won't surrender and it won't be safe for you inside Arkadia."

"Wanheda," Someone said from the other end of the table. "You are the closet we have to someone who knows how things work inside Arkadia, we can't risk that." It seemed like that was the only reason the people at Polis weren't so keen on…wanting to _kill_ her right now. They knew she was the closest they had to someone from the enemy's side, so they knew they needed her alive.

"He's right." Lexa said to Clarke with a single nod, but they both knew that wasn't it. The reason Lexa didn't want Clarke to go anywhere near Arkadia is because of what happened last time and how she would have been taken a prisoner if it weren't for Octavia. "We can't risk losing you." _I can't risk losing you_. Before Clarke could say anything to it, Lexa spoke again to her council, "I want more scout reports by this time tomorrow; if we don't know our enemy, there isn't much we can do."

Arkadia had been nothing if not chaotic since this morning, Pike had finally decided it was time to attack the Grounder army outside and he had sent his men through the gates, guns blazing. Pike seemed to have only sent a small group, not more than ten men. He would've preferred more, but right now there weren't too many at his disposal. All but three of them had returned later that night, neither of them being able to keep count of how many Grounders they had killed. Pike seemed pleased about it, not caring for a moment that he had lost three people. He didn't care really, it was over 30 Grounders for three of his people, and he could live with that.

An actual attack was still in the planning process, Pike wanted to be 100% certain that his plan would work. Sending out a small team like he had worked today and he hoped to do the same for the next couple of days in hopes of scaring the Grounders. Pike and his council hoped to build an element of paranoia, making them wonder when and where the next bullet would be coming from. This would play in their favor when they finally attacked. But Bellamy had suggested putting all their effort to fortifying Arkadia so Grounders couldn't come inside. He knew that they eventually would wage war because that's what Lexa had said. So he didn't see the point in them going outside the gates to fight an army when they could just be waiting for them to walk into _their_ territory.

"It will give us the upper hand, sir." Bellamy said to Pike later that night. "This is our home, we know it better than they do so we have a better fighting chance inside Arkadia than outside our gates."

"And what about our civilians?" Monty's mom asked. "Won't they fall in the crosshairs?"

"No," Pike replied. "We'll keep them indoors," He turned to look at Bellamy. "You make a strong point. It'll do us better if we stay inside and prepare ourselves for when they attack." Turning back to the others, he continued, "And until then, we do what we did today; we send a small group out with enough ammo to take out as many Grounders as they can."

"We're not talking about this Clarke." Lexa said to Clarke as the two of them got into bed later that night. "You're not going inside Arkadia."

"I didn't say anything," Clarke responded as she settled into bed. It was almost strange how comfortable the two of them felt around each other; Clarke hadn't been in her room since the shooting, no longer than she needed to be anyways. And settling into bed next to Lexa at the end of the day felt oddly natural.

"No, but you have been thinking about it ever since the meeting." Lexa lied down on her side, looking at Clarke. "It was bad enough the last time, it will be much worse now."

"I know." Clarke nodded. "But Lexa, this is our best shot right now. I can do more on the inside in the few minutes I get than we can from the outside."

She chose not to respond to her, "We're not talking about this…I can't."

"Fine." Clarke said with a reluctant nod. "For now."

Lexa only sighed, bringing herself closer to Clarke as she placed an arm around her.

.

The next day was long and tiring, there was more news from Arkadia, none of which were good. Pike was killing more Grounders but he was doing it quietly. What made things worse was that Lexa still had no way of getting inside. She had received numerous scout reports, all stating the same things about Skaikru. Important things Lexa picked up from it were: less than half the people were trained to fight, there was a curfew for everyone other than the guards on night duty, and the gates did not open even once. It seemed like the only way to get inside was by having someone on the inside open the gates. But that meant having to rely heavily on what Kane and Abby could do, and they all knew that wasn't enough.

It was a surprise – Clarke questioned whether it was a pleasant one – when King Roan showed up. They needed everyone they could get right now to formulate a plan of attack so Lexa didn't see anything wrong with it. And since Roan was a highly trained warrior, he would be useful when they did attack; they knew that having someone as important as him leading a troop would be more effective than one of the generals.

"Unless they open the gates, there isn't much we can do." Roan pointed out the same thing later that day.

"But it's only getting worse Heda." Someone from the table called out. "Skaikru is killing our warriors now and you're not doing anything to stop it."

Silence fell immediately, eyes moving back and forth between Lexa and the general two seats away from Clarke. She tilted her chin up, looking at him with a steely glare. "Are you questioning how I plan to attack them?"

He remained silent for a moment before quietly answering, "Yes."

Lexa only crossed her arms across her chest and leaned back into her chair. "Tell me then," She started. "What would you do if you were in my place?"

"Attack." He replied instantly.

"How?" Lexa asked calmly. "They're gates are almost as strong as Mt. Weather's, the fences are charged, and we have no contact with anyone inside who is willing to help us." She told him. "Not to mention, even if we _did_ have contact with inside Arkadia, there is nothing that guarantees us entry considering the people willing to help are virtually powerless."

He fell silent, not having an answer for her.

"The only thing we _can_ do right now," Roan started. "Is get close enough to Arkadia so we can contact the people inside and get the gates open; or…" He paused, looking at Clarke and then back at Lexa, "Wanheda goes inside, talks to the Chancellor and if possible, figures out a way to open the gates for our army."

.

Roan was right, that was their only option right now and despite Lexa not wanting Clarke to do so, she knew she couldn't stop her. She had opted to talk more about getting Kane to open the gate from the inside because, once they were close enough, they could contact him from outside Arkadia and it might work. Either way, it was a better plan than the alternative, which was to send Clarke in to talk to Pike because Lexa knew there was no way the Chancellor would surrender.

Clarke had fallen asleep soon after getting to bed, she was tired and it wasn't the easiest thing to plan an attack on your own people. Lexa was exhausted and the bullet wound still hurt, and despite being worried about the upcoming war, with Clarke safely next to her, it hadn't taken her long to fall asleep either. But it wasn't long before she was woken up, no more than a couple of hours. Lexa had shifted in her sleep, reaching out to Clarke's side to place her arm around her. But the only thing that she found was the cold bed sheet.

"Clarke?" She asked, before slowly sitting up. Lexa looked around, letting her eyes adjust to the dim lit room before noticing a figure standing at the balcony. _Clarke_. It took more effort than Lexa wanted to admit to get herself out of bed, her body protesting every movement as she finally stood up straight. Clarke didn't respond to her, she probably hadn't even heard her, Lexa realized as she took small, measured steps to her.

"Clarke," She almost whispered as she stepped up behind her, finally getting her attention. Lexa watched as Clarke brought a hand up to her face, wiping away a tear before turning her head to look at her.

"Hey," Clarke breathed out, her voice coming out in a rasp as she looked at Lexa and gave her a small smile. "Did I wake you?" She asked as Lexa stepped closer, wrapping her arms around her from behind.

"Are you okay?" Lexa's voice was still heavy with sleep and she was hurting to keep herself standing up but she needed to make sure Clarke was alright.

"I don't know." Clarke sighed, leaning forward against the railing instead of Lexa.

"Is this about Arkadia?" She asked, thinking she already knew the answer but being surprised when Clarke shook her head.

"Well, yes." Clarke corrected herself. "But it's not just that."

"Then what is it?" Lexa asked gently.

"Everything." She replied. "I don't know Lex," Clarke sighed. "It's just…everything. I can't really take it anymore." She turned slightly to look at Lexa. "There's the whole thing with Arkadia, and…there's you." Clarke bit down on her lower lip, slowly shaking her head because, yes, she was still worried about Lexa. As much as everyone was starting to realize no good could come from questioning Lexa, there were still people who weren't too happy with how she was handling things. Not only that but she still hasn't recovered; Clarke knows she has to fight with her army but it won't be easy given her condition. And this will also make her more vulnerable to the enemy.

"Me?"

Clarke nodded. "You still haven't recovered completely. I don't know how you're going to fight."

"I'll be fine, Clarke." Lexa tried to reassure her.

She only raised an eyebrow, turning to face her. "You can barely get yourself out of bed."

Choosing not to reply to that, Lexa changed the subject. "What do you want to do about Arkadia?"

"What I want right now doesn't matter really, does it?" Clarke asked rhetorically, she wasn't angry at Lexa about it, no, she couldn't be, after everything they were doing, it was expected by now. "I just…there's still people there who I care about and…"

"Not everyone is going to die Clarke." Lexa tried.

"I know…but…my mom, she's is all I have left." Clarke bit down on her lower lip, trying to fight the tears which were threatening to spill. She was doing her best to not think about Arkadia now because she knew there wasn't anything she could do to stop it. And a part of Clarke didn't want to, this was Pike's fault; he was the reason behind this mess, if her mom or Kane had been elected Chancellor, it would've never gotten this bad. Clarke realized it was also the people's fault, they were the ones who elected Pike after all. "I just need all of this to be over." She finally spoke. "I need a break from everything, I can't do this anyone."

Lexa could hear the crack in Clarke's voice as she brought her arms up, wrapping them around her and pulling her into a hug. "It's going to be alright." She tried to comfort her as Clarke buried her face in the crook of her neck. "It'll be over soon Clarke." Lexa remained silent for a moment. "I promise you, no harm will come to your _nomon_."

Clarke let out a small sigh, although she hadn't thought Lexa would purposely cause harm to her mom, she knew this was war. And people die. But Lexa promising that she would make it out of this unharmed made Clarke feel at least a little bit better.

" _Em ste gon laik ait_ "

* * *

Translations:

 _ **Fai stedaun, Heda**_ – five dead, commander

 _ **En emo gon frag op mou**_. – and they are killing more

 _ **Fai gona?**_ – five warriors?

 _ **Sha, Heda**_ **.** – yes commander

 _ **En mou**_ **.** – and more

 _ **nomon**_ **.** – mother

 _ **Em ste gon laik ait**_ – it is going to be alright

* * *

 _A/N:_ so yeah, that's that. i kinda rushed it. but at least i got it up. and thanks for reading, let me know what you thought and i hope this chapter was enough to kinda help make up for the fact that i won't be updating for a while. in the mean time, maybe send me some prompts on tumblr? stuff i can get to when i'm back?


	6. Arkadia isn't home

_Summary:_ There's a bit more of war planning, a little bit of Arkadia (with Abby not Pike). And there's a lot of clexa.

 _A/N:_ finally an update, yay (if anyone's still reading that is). just like my soulmate au, my writing might be a bit off on this coz it's been a while since i last write. but about 70% of this is clexa (the other 30% is arkadia and more war planning), so i'm hoping that helps.

the 30% is at the start and as much as i care about the story, i care about clexa a lot more. i'm still trying to figure out what to do with jaha and the CoL. i haven't watched the show since 307, so i know very little about the chips and whatnot, so what i wrote probably isn't 100% accurate compared to the show. but there's clexa, and there's a bit of that hurt/comfort thing i'm a sucker for. and i promise there's going to be a lot more clexa in the later chapters, i'm just trying to deal with the other stuff now so i can do that.

* * *

It had been two days and they still had no way of getting inside Arkadia. The number of dead Grounders was only increasing with every passing day. Lexa wasn't having the easiest time dealing with the other clans because they all wanted to attack; she did too, but it wouldn't be smart going in without a clear plan, not just yet. And to make matters worse, scout reports came back this morning saying how Kane had been arrested. There was still no word of the others but Clarke and Lexa had a feeling that they wouldn't be able to help right now.

"I think we should march for Arkadia." Lexa said later that day, causing everyone at the table to look at her questioningly.

"And do what?" Clarke asked.

"Just us being there might be enough to intimidate the enemy enough to slow them down." Lexa replied, speaking to the entire table. "Even if it is only for a little while, it will give us time to finalize the attack plans." Despite not having a way in just yet, they had formulated a plan of attack and thought it over carefully. Now if they could only figure out how to get behind the gates of Arkadia, the plan would be complete.

"And once we are ready," Roan said in response, "We will be closer to the army so it'll take less time to actually attack." He looked at Lexa, who gave him an approving nod.

The meeting ended later that night, Lexa ordering to prepare the army for tomorrow because they would ride at sunrise. Although most of the army was around Arkadia, there was still a small one remaining at Polis; half of whom would go with Lexa tomorrow and the other half would remain to protect the city just in case something went wrong. The remaining generals at Polis would also be going with her tomorrow; there was no need for them by Arkadia now because up until now, this was only just a blockade.

After Kane had been arrested, Abby and Sinclair decided to take a step back from trying to help the Grounders. They're not really sure how, but Pike had gotten word of the fact that Kane was planning on doing something against him. This also meant Pike was keeping a close eye on the rest of them, so it wouldn't be easy trying to explain to him why Raven was making new radios; radios which couldn't even be used with the ones they had now. But Abby figured there was still another issue which they needed to address; Jaha's City of Light chips. And to make matters worse, Jaha was still very much determined to get as many people as he could to take the chip.

In the last two days, Abby had made some progress on it. Her and Sinclair figured it was too good to be true; a miracle pill that takes away literally any kind of pain without a side effect? No, now that's just not possible. Only, so far, they knew of one side effect, memory loss; something Abby had noticed when she was talking to Jaha about the chip a few days ago. And if the chip could target pain receptors, what was to say that they couldn't _cause_ pain as well? It probably wasn't the safest thing having a silicon-based chip inside your body which could erase your memory, interrupt pain receptors and stop certain neural pathways. But given how Abby knew the people of Arkadia to be, she didn't see a point in trying to tell them about the unknown risks.

Abby had managed to get a couple of chips; one which she had gotten from Jaha, another from Sinclair and the last from Jasper who had taken one from Jaha but hadn't used it. She and Sinclair had been trying to find a way to stop it from working and it was only a couple of hours ago that they realized by passing a large enough voltage through it, they could possibly fry the circuit. Although it required a moderately high voltage, a low current seemed to work; so if something went wrong with one of the people who had taken it, they could stop the chip from working without causing too much damage to the body. But while experimenting on the chips, they also realized that there was no real way of telling whether their method was actually working or not; since the outside of the chips were silicon, it wouldn't melt or start to smoke but Abby and Sinclair could only hope that the insides were fried.

"Let's just hope nothing does go wrong," Abby said to him as she put away the chip they were working on. "We don't need anything more on our hands and I don't know whether this is actually going to work."

"I can't let you go in." Lexa told her later that night. "They took you prisoner last time, what do you think they are going to do now?"

Clarke looked at Lexa who was sitting on the edge of the bed, undoing her braids as she made her way to her. "You know not everyone played a part in what Pike is doing, right?" She asked, running a hand through her hair which was still damp from her bath as she sat down on the bed next to Lexa.

Lexa nodded, she knew Clarke was right. But after all, it _was_ the majority of the people in Arkadia who supported him and what he was doing.

"Then let me go in, give them a chance to surrender." Clarke tried.

"If you want, I can send in one of my men to ask them to surrender," Lexa replied, not looking at Clarke as she pulled her fingers through her braids, trying to undo them but not getting too far with it.

"Let me." Clarke muttered, moving closer as Lexa's hands came down and Clarke brought her's up to Lexa's hair. "And no, you can't." She told her, her fingers working through the braids and undoing them. "You know they're going to kill anyone you send before they even get the chance to say something."

Lexa remained silent for a moment before speaking. "I know." She paused again, feeling Clarke's hand running through her now-free hair. "But I can't risk sending you inside Clarke." Lexa paused, turning around to look at her.

Clarke didn't reply, only moved further into the bed, resting her back against the headboard. She waited for Lexa to move closer, lying down with her head on her lap as she shook her head. "Please, I have to at least try and save those who are innocent." Clarke tried. "They are my people."

"I know." Lexa almost whispered. "I can't lose you Clarke." She told her. "Things weren't this bad the last time you went to Arkadia…and you hadn't been here that long either." Lexa paused. "But you were still taken prisoner by someone you thought was a friend. You know what the Chancellor would've done to you if it wasn't for Octavia." She turned to lie on her back, looking straight up at Clarke. "Do you think he's going to let you say a single word before you end up in handcuffs?"

She remained silent for a moment, knowing very well that Lexa had a point. "But I have to try."

"Clarke, they will kill you this time." Lexa argued, bringing herself to sit up straight. "You are no better to them than I am." She didn't want to think about it, think about what Pike would do to Clarke if he managed to get to her. It wouldn't be pretty, that's for sure; he wouldn't see her as anything but another Grounder and by now it was clear as to what he wanted to do to them. Clarke wouldn't be safe behind Arkadia's walls, she wasn't last time, and she certainly wouldn't be this time. At least last time she had sneaked in thanks to Octavia but now if she wanted to ask them to surrender, Clarke would have to walk in through the front gates. And Pike's men would probably arrest her the moment she stepped foot inside. "You've been living in Polis, with who is supposed to be your enemy because of everything that is going on right now." Lexa continued, although her voice calm, there was a hint of panic in it which she was trying to hide as she tried to reason with Clarke. "And then there's us…" She spoke again, this time sounding quiet and unsure. "If they know that we…" Lexa trailed off, not knowing what to say because her and Clarke hadn't really talked about what… _this_ was. And she figured Clarke's people wouldn't be too thrilled to hear about them.

"They don't now about us." Clarke said in response.

"Do you think it will take them long to find out?"

Clarke shrugged, "Possibly. I mean, they _did_ elect Pike as their chancellor despite knowing what he wanted to do so…I think it's safe to say they're not the smartest people out there." She tried to make light of the conversation, looking at Lexa hopefully.

The corners of her lips tugged up slightly, the faintest hint of a smile on her lips as she replied, "You're not wrong."

"So what do you say?" Clarke asked after a moment. "Let me go in?"

"If that is what you want, yes." Lexa replied reluctantly, clearly there was no talking her out of this. "I will never tell you what to do Clarke." She stated simply. "I _will_ try to stop you from getting yourself in dangerous situations but I will never make you do something you don't want to."

Clarke nodded slowly, leaning forward slightly as she pressed her lips to Lexa's for a short but soft kiss.

"And I will do everything I can to protect you." Lexa said once they pulled away. Clarke nodded to it before she continued. "Or at least try to because given the circumstances, I don't think it will be of much use." She paused for a moment, noticing how Clarke was waiting for her to continue. "You will have at least two guards accompanying you."

It didn't sound like a question this time and Clarke realized she sounded more _Commander_ than _Lexa_ right now. So she nodded, realizing that it was reasonable.

"And you will carry a weapon," Lexa continued. "A sword, maybe a dagger, whichever you are comfortable with." She's not really sure why she wanted that because it's very likely the people inside Arkadia will take it off her once she's inside.

Clarke nodded in response before speaking, "I'll need a few days inside."

"Few days?" Lexa asked, almost in disbelief.

"If I manage to talk to Pike," She explained. "It will take me some time to figure things out."

Lexa thought over it for a few seconds, a couple of hours was more than enough time for Pike to hurt Clarke if he wanted to. "I can't convince you to make it a couple of hours, can I?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

Clarke shook her head slowly. "It won't be enough time."

"Fine," She nodded reluctantly. "Two days, no more than that. And if you're not out by then, I will attack." Lexa told her matter-of-factly.

"Okay," Clarke said with a single nod, "Now come on," She said, moving to lie down. "You need to rest." Lexa followed. "I don't know how you're going to ride all the way to Arkadia tomorrow."

.

It hadn't been more than a few hours since they had gone to bed. Lexa had been quiet for a while now and Clarke assumed she was asleep when she suddenly spoke, "Clarke?"

It was only above a whisper and Clarke remained quiet for a moment before replying, "I thought you were asleep."

"I'm sorry." Lexa told her.

"For what?" Clarke asked, slightly confused, not sure what Lexa was talking about.

"For before." She replied. "I wasn't trying to force you to stay, I would never ask you to do anything you didn't want to." Lexa waited for Clarke to reply, when she didn't, Lexa turned on her side to face her and continued quietly. "I'm just trying to keep you safe."

Clarke studied her face for a moment, noticing how Lexa sounded hesitant and almost afraid that Clarke might be angry at her for it. "I know." She muttered quietly, before shaking her head at herself. "You have nothing to apologize for." Clarke sighed. "You seem to be the only one who actually cares about what happens to me."

Lexa furrowed her brows slightly, giving her a confused look, "What are you talking about?"

"It's all my fault." Clarke replied matter-of-factly with a small shrug, looking away from Lexa, almost like she wasn't even talking to her anymore. "Everything that happened, everything that went wrong was because I left."

It was hard not to miss her lips quivering or to hear the crack in her voice as she finished the sentence. "That's not true." Lexa told her quietly as she moved closer to put her arms around Clarke.

"It is," Clarke only shook her head, fighting back the tears as she gave into Lexa and moved slightly to place her head on her chest. Letting out a shaky breath, she continued. "They're right, it is my fault. There's so much I could've stopped if I hadn't left."

"They're not your responsibility." Lexa tried.

"They are," Clarke disagreed. "Do you see what happens when anyone else is in charge?"

She let out a small sigh; as much as Lexa didn't want to admit it, Clarke was right about this, "They can't expect you to fix everything." Her arms tightened around Clarke, trying to comfort her. "You're trying," She whispered into her hair, remaining quiet for a moment, "Are you worried about going back?"

"Yes." Her answer came instantly. "Everyone is angry at me; myy friends hate me for leaving after Mt. Weather, everyone else in Arkadia hates me because they think I chose the grounders over my own people, and then there's Pike who probably thinks we've been planning a war all this time and I've been helping you."

"Well…" Lexa started, trailing off hesitantly because that is exactly what they have been doing the past few days.

"Now, yes." Clarke nodded, "But before…all of this, before the massacre, before Ice Nation at Mt. Weather, before…" She fell silent, taking a moment to continue. "Before I almost lost you."

"I'm right here." Lexa reassured her.

"I could have stopped all of that. If I hadn't lef-"

"None of this was your fault." Lexa stopped her. "Whatever happened after you left, it wasn't your fault." She tried again, speaking slowly this time and trying to get the words to reach Clarke.

"If I stayed…if I wasn't weak and just strong enough put up with it-" Clarke's voice began to crack as Lexa interrupted her again.

"No, no, no." She shook her head, speaking more quietly this time. "You're not weak for leaving, Clarke. After what you had to do at Mt. Weather, weak is the last thing you are." She replied carefully, knowing that this was still troubled water for the two of them. "And you had no way of knowing what would've happened." Lexa paused for a moment, letting the room fall silent before speaking again, "After what happened, I understand why you had to leave. And no one back home can blame you for taking care of yourself."

"Arkadia isn't home." Clarke let out a deep breath. "I don't think it ever was."

* * *

 _A/N:_ thanks for reading, thanks for sticking around to read it coz i haven't updated in such a long time, and thanks for all the comments on the previous chapters, they mean a lot.

let me know what you thought of this one, hopefully it wasn't too bad.


	7. Another note

Hi, it's just another note.

I wanted to let you guys know I won't be updating the fics on this site any longer. I'll only be updating on AO3, it's way more convenient and takes a lot less time than here.

My username is the same (K17L53). I'm just lazy af so it's a lot of work to upload on both sites.

Hope you guys stick around to read them :D


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